Reminiscing and regretting

One of my favorite pastime nowadays is to sit back and reminisce about the good times I had during my student years. Although it was merely 8 months ago when I was slacking off at my friends' expense playing Guitar Hero on an almost a daily basis, spending away my scholarship allowance shopping at the thrift stores or the nearby newly-built Torgoviy Tsentr, updating Dunia Fashyon regularly (ahem) and of course to smoothly sail the final exams, I feel like those last few months are the best moments that I could cherish in my life- it was then when I had plenty of time at my disposal and I could finally get comfortable with the seemingly outlandish Russian customs and really had a special bond with few great friends there.

Last summer I went to St Petersburg with my family of ten!

However now I feel like someone has pushed the 'fast forward' button and here I am, back home in Malaysia, having to bear one of the most stress-inducing profession there is. I know I should not live vicariously through some strangers' fashion blogs and wishfully think "Oh anything I'd give to have his career / live his life", but the thing is I really despise myself for letting my immature adolescent mind to make decision without prior consultation a few years back. I hate the fact that I'm so carefree and nonchalant when I signed the contract which basically says I'm bound to the government for a decade of my life. Now I realise  that I have to pay the price for not being indecisive of what I want to be when I grow up. I was lying to myself when I tried living through another person's life by convincing myself treating people is what I want to do for the rest of my life.

Whatever the outcome is, I know I have to clean the mess that I personally made and try to at least pass the first two years of training. I always tell my mother and a few good friends 'I want to quit, I do not care about the patients at all!'. But you know what, I think I could do this job, no matter how half-assed or half-heartedly I carry out any procedure (like this one time when I was assisting a 6-hour long operation in the wee hours of the morning repairing some drunkard nobody's leg- I actually dozed off to sleep and got a shout by one of the two surgeons, saying "we're all tired, you're not the only one" - easy for him to say when he's not the one who's holding the retractor like a fool or worse, I was the one who had to watch them, the subpar fledgling surgeons trying to put back shattered bones back into pieces)...

I bought a couple of black and white photos from this guy. Loves his nonchalant look here - the loose-fitting blazer, the partially untucked shirt. How Yamamoto!

I wore a breezy ladies' Zara blazer, Sisley pastel pink tee, Cheap Monday jeans, Adidas Originals tennis/boat shoes, Guess watch, vintage bag