Jan 16, 2010

Reminiscing and regretting

One of my favorite pastime nowadays is to sit back and reminisce about the good times I had during my student years. Although it was merely 8 months ago when I was slacking off at my friends' expense playing Guitar Hero on an almost a daily basis, spending away my scholarship allowance shopping at the thrift stores or the nearby newly-built Torgoviy Tsentr, updating Dunia Fashyon regularly (ahem) and of course to smoothly sail the final exams, I feel like those last few months are the best moments that I could cherish in my life- it was then when I had plenty of time at my disposal and I could finally get comfortable with the seemingly outlandish Russian customs and really had a special bond with few great friends there.

Last summer I went to St Petersburg with my family of ten!

However now I feel like someone has pushed the 'fast forward' button and here I am, back home in Malaysia, having to bear one of the most stress-inducing profession there is. I know I should not live vicariously through some strangers' fashion blogs and wishfully think "Oh anything I'd give to have his career / live his life", but the thing is I really despise myself for letting my immature adolescent mind to make decision without prior consultation a few years back. I hate the fact that I'm so carefree and nonchalant when I signed the contract which basically says I'm bound to the government for a decade of my life. Now I realise  that I have to pay the price for not being indecisive of what I want to be when I grow up. I was lying to myself when I tried living through another person's life by convincing myself treating people is what I want to do for the rest of my life.


Whatever the outcome is, I know I have to clean the mess that I personally made and try to at least pass the first two years of training. I always tell my mother and a few good friends 'I want to quit, I do not care about the patients at all!'. But you know what, I think I could do this job, no matter how half-assed or half-heartedly I carry out any procedure (like this one time when I was assisting a 6-hour long operation in the wee hours of the morning repairing some drunkard nobody's leg- I actually dozed off to sleep and got a shout by one of the two surgeons, saying "we're all tired, you're not the only one" - easy for him to say when he's not the one who's holding the retractor like a fool or worse, I was the one who had to watch them, the subpar fledgling surgeons trying to put back shattered bones back into pieces)...

I bought a couple of black and white photos from this guy. Loves his nonchalant look here - the loose-fitting blazer, the partially untucked shirt. How Yamamoto!


I wore a breezy ladies' Zara blazer, Sisley pastel pink tee, Cheap Monday jeans, Adidas Originals tennis/boat shoes, Guess watch, vintage bag


Giancinephile said...

Looks like you really had a wonderful time there!

I suddenly am entertaining the thoughts of escaping Manille for a while in favour of a different scenery. haha

(nothingness) said...

hold on there. try and at least get your horsemanship over and done with

interesting. i'm kinda in the same position now. They're expecting me to come back. fair enough, i guess. Thankfully, I don;t have to work at a hospital.

angelus_izika said...

hold on naboo...I'm in the same mood like yours..

rasa nak berenti every second of the day

and I really miss u playing guitar hero in my apartment :0

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